Painted into a corner.

INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO. 120

La Brea Tar Pits fauna (detail) as depicted by Charles R. Knight for Amer. Mus. (NY). One sloth (Mylodon, now Paramylodon) trapped, two guarding against Sabre Tooth (Smilodon fatalis). Condors (unidentified further, likely Teratornis) waiting on McNabb's cypress. In the rear of pool which has yielded much elephant (Columbian mammoth) material. San Gabriel range with Mt. Lowe center and Mt. Wilson at right of erect sloth. Old Baldy at right. The Jesse Earl Hyde Collection, Case Western Reserve University (CWRU) Department of Geological Sciences, via Wikipedia.

COLUMN DEP’T.

MR WRONG: The Floor Is Tar Pits

I’M NOT IN a good mood today. It’s super-hot outside, and here at the castle, we are in the middle of kitchen renovations which include changing the color of the tile floor in the kitchen from decades-old nasty kitchen beige to a super-cool Charcoal Gray, by way of a transformational application of a high-tech Rust-Oleum product that takes 72 hours to cure, so we have fans going in the house, but we don’t wanna open up the windows because we’ll lose Air Conditioning, and we don’t want the humidity to get any higher than it already is in the house because we’re trying to get the goddamn paint to dry, and I dunno what kinda fumes we’re breathing, I mean, they’re not even a good huff, but I’m definitely embracing hypochondria and sensing, or at least hallucino-sensing, that I am experiencing a degradation of motor skills today typing my column. The writing stays the same though, har!

Also, I don’t get any money from Amazon by showing you the Rust-Oleum product, but I would take money if they gave it to me. But they aren’t, so I have Editorial Integrity and stuff. But no extra cash. Integrity!