MR WRONG: The tweet death of the universe
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Ruin "Ruin a Movie Title by Adding 'Pants'" by Adding Nazis
THE MR. WRONG column is a weekly column, which appears on the pixels of the INDIGNITY web-thing, and so what this means is, Professionally, I am on the hook for at least 600 words a week, which, sometimes I file 700, or 800 words, or even 900 words, or like last week, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, last week I filed 1900 words, which I coulda used for three columns?!?
What I’m saying is the Column business, it’s a Marathon, not a sprint, like when I used to make Tweets all the time.
Remember when making Tweets was fun? It even had a fun name, “Twitter,” which sorta reminded you that errbody on board was doing something that was Not Important, which frequently Venn-Diagrams with Fun! Tweet! Bird noise that humans don’t understand!
Now, that boob Elon Musk has gone and ruined the Tweets, and he ruined the name, by calling it “X,” which has already been used so many times for stuff, jeez, and like, “X,” the internet-place that used to be full of Twitter, just ain’t fun anymore. I mean, there used to be # Hashtag Games, like when you ruin a movie title by adding the word “pants,” or the “Follow Friday” hashtag, where we used to tell each other whose Tweets to look at in a completely non-committal way, just Tweeting it into the hashtag area-thing, and then moving on to ruin a movie title, it was fun, and now it’s not!
Now there’s all these nazis and bad people being racist and awful on “X,” and the aforementioned doof-ass who actually owns the “X” went to some Important thing where Important people are asked to sit on a stage and talk in front of a roomful of people, and this is the guy who is X-ing ignorant racist shit onto his own internet, and Advertisers are like “Hey, it’s bad for our business when our ad goes next to some hateful shit, smell you later” and the dipshit owner of “X” says fuck you to the advertisers, and he says “X” is gonna fail now, because of the advertisers not advertising, not because of people like himself doing stupid hateful racist stuff in his own dining room because it’s Free Speech, what an imbecile.
You probably know all that stuff about how Elon Musk is bad, but I wanted to get it down in my own way just to see if it made any kinda sense, you know? I thought maybe this guy was good at business, with the rockets and satellites and tunnels and electric car and blowtorch, and beer, I think, but whatever he’s bad at, like maybe just being a decent person, has swamped whatever he mighta been good at, and I have an emotional attachment to my Twitter handle and Twitter pals, and it makes me mad that he shit in our sandbox. Somebody might be able to rake out the turds, but dude is probably gonna take his “X”-ball and deflate it and go home.
So anyway, the guy who owns what used to be Twitter says it’s dead, and that also makes me sad, and meanwhile there’s a bunch of other death going on, real Death, with people, and that’s sad as well, when Jimmy Carter, the finest and most charitable and actual Christian ex–President of the United States of America, leaves hospice to attend his wife Rosalynn’s memorial service, contrasted with the departure of factually-a-War-Criminal Henry Kissinger, and then back to sad when a delightful entertainer such as Shane MacGowan leaves the planet, or Frances Sternhagen, who was an award-winning serious actor of stage and screen, and was on popular and entertaining teevee shows, but mostly who I enjoyed in a great Science Fiction movie from 1981 called Outland, which is basically a remake of an old Western called High Noon.
A Sciencer with Sean Connery wearing a trucker hat was kinda weird in 1981, seriously. Also, Peter Boyle, playing the boss of the factory in Outer Space is great, especially the scene where he’s playing futuristic (for 1981) electronic golf and being anti-Labor.
I love Science Fiction movies, and I really dig the ones that show you how shitty The Future can be, and all the stuff in Outland, such as bad treatment of workers, people doing drugs to perform better at their jobs, and having to leave the fucking planet to find work is 99 percent on the way to being not-Fiction, and I guess it’ll be complete as soon as Elon Musk gets a rocket to Mars.
I would like to type a few more words to thank anyone who got in on the Kickstarter for the Flaming Hydra, where I will be typing more words per month, along with a pile of other writers, to be exact; 60 writers and zero bosses, woof, and it’s gonna be a lot, so strap on your reading helmet and get ready! Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, November 29, 2023
★★ A silver moon shone in the brightening sky, but the morning was too busy for another look at it before it sank from view. Honeylocust pods lay twisted on the sidewalk. The clouds were softly blurred, both the thin sheets and the wispy strands. Down at Union Square, the sky was clear blue. The temperature was sincerely wintry but only gently biting—no need for hat or gloves, or even for zipping up the parka. Uptown at three o'clock the clouds were thin sheets again, or still, but the sun was riding so low that it yielded to them as if they'd been solid impenetrable nimbostratus.
EASY LISTENING DEP’T.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from Light Entertaining: A Book of Dainty Recipes for Special Occasions, edited by Helena Judson, Published in 1910. This book is in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
NUT AND SWEET SANDWICHES
Thin slices of bread are delicious spread with any jam, marmalade, or chopped preserved or candied fruit. Chopped nuts, either salted or plain, may also be used for sandwiches. The combination of nuts and fruit is particularly good.
PEANUT SANDWICHES
Put the meats of roasted peanuts through a coffee mill, or chop fine by hand. The red skin should previously have been removed. Soften to a thick paste with port wine or sherry. Add a little salt, and spread on either white or rye bread.
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES
To one-half box of peanut butter, allow a dozen olives chopped very fine. Season with lemon juice, salt, and a few drops of Worcestershire sauce, if liked. This is good on any kind of bread.
WALNUT AND CELERY SANDWICHES
Take equal quantities of chopped English walnut meats, and hearts of celery. These must be chopped so fine as to be almost like a paste. Moisten with mayonnaise dressing and spread on thin slices from a round loaf of Boston brown bread. By boiling chestnuts slightly, and then chopping, chestnuts may be substituted for the walnuts.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.
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