Hmm Weekly for May 4, 2021
Tuesdays are spaced out the same amount of days no matter what
DEP’T. OF HEALTH
THE SECOND PFIZER shot wasn't nothing, but it wasn't bad, for me. I felt more run-down the day before the shot than I did the day after, although the latter came with a throbbing rotator cuff in the injection shoulder and a sort of slowed-down fuzziness. I stared blankly out the window at the apartment tower across the avenue I've been looking at for six years—a tower I lived in, before that—and suddenly noticed that one of the upper floors was taller than the ones above and below it. I would have declared under oath that they were all the same.
I had been dreading the second-shot side effects yet also, honestly, kind of looking forward to them. I didn't want to end up like the one friend who spent the night vomiting, but there was an undeniable appeal to the thought of letting the shot knock you over, just a bit. It was knocking other people over, one by one, and it seemed to be meeting a very real need they all had, just to shut it down for a day or two.
I don't doubt that the side effects are genuine. As the owner of a 49-year-old lumbar region, I have come to deeply and directly appreciate the complexities of how mind and body work together to construct the realities of health, positive and negative alike. I've felt week-long chest pain subside moments after the doctor agreed with me that it seemed to be nothing more than strained rib cartilage, and a possibly broken toe stop throbbing once it became clear that getting x-rays would be a hassle and wouldn't change the treatment any.
So I was ready for the Pfizer to lay me out. After a year of the virus lurking, uncontrollable, in the background, what could be better than getting sick for a limited time, on schedule? Before the lockdowns even began, Hmm Weekly was arguing that everyone should immediately take a sick week. Now the New York Times is advocating a holiday for everyone. What the body can't get from the authorities, it will take on its own.
Or so I thought. I drank a lot of seltzer and orange juice, and I took some Tylenol at bedtime, and I woke up feeling somewhere on the bad end of normal. In my heart, I would rather have been sick than working, but my immune system wouldn't give me a break.
Another Week, Another HMM WEEKLY
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DEP’T. OF CORRESPONDENCE
IN RESPONSE TO our ongoing, never-ceasing, interminable, and seemingly endless Sandwich Recipes Dep’t. we received the following correspondence:
For the love of god please stop the sandwich content
Sent from my iPhone
Hmm Weekly responds: We believe there can never be too many sandwiches, but for readers who disagree, we guarantee that the sandwiches will always be the last item, so you can simply end your reading experience as soon as you see them appear.
VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS DEP’T.
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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.
WE PRESENT recipes for sandwiches from Salads, Sandwiches and Chafing Dish Recipes, Copyright 1916, by David McKay, Publisher, and now in the public domain for the delectation of all, written by Marion Harris Neil, M.C.A., former Cookery Editor, The Ladies’ Home Journal, author of How to Cook in Casserole Dishes, Candies and Bonbons and How to Make Them, Canning, Preserving and Pickling, and The Something-Different Dish.
1/4 lb. (1 cup) chopped cooked ham
1 oz. (1/4 cup) grated Parmesan cheese
1 gill (1/2 cup) cream
Red pepper to taste
Cut some bread in rounds and fry these to a golden color in hot fat. Pound the ham and mix it with the cream; then spread thickly on the croûtes of bread; over that put a layer of chutney, then a layer of cheese which has been seasoned with a little red pepper. Place in the oven to brown the cheese and serve at once..
HAM RUSK SANDWICHES
1 skinned tomato
1 bell pepper
10 stuffed olives
1 tablespoonful chopped parsley
Salt and paprika to taste
Boiled or mayonnaise dressing
Put some boiled ham through a food-chopper; measure two cupfuls, and add the tomato, pepper, olives chopped fine, parsley, seasonings, and enough boiled or mayonnaise dressing to make a paste. Cut some rusks in halves and spread with the filling.
1/4 lb. (1 cup) cooked ham
2 sweet pickles
2 hard-cooked eggs
1/2 can pimientoes (red peppers)
1 teaspoonful chopped parsley
Put the ham, pickles, eggs, and pimientoes through a food-chopper; add the parsley and mix with sufficient dressing to moisten. Spread between thin slices of buttered bread and cut into triangles.
If you decide to prepare and enjoy any of these sandwiches, kindly send a picture to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
HMM WEEKLY IS written by Tom Scocca, editor, and Joe MacRusks, creative director. If you enjoy Hmm Weekly, please let a friend know about it! If you're reading this because someone forwarded it to you, we invite you to sign up for a copy of your own right now. Thanks for reading, and any time you want, email us at email@example.com.